What do you want?!: philosophical essays
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We always want ... what we don't have ... or maybe can't have.
Or ... what can't belong to us.
Saying "I want" ... is a lot related with the world of desires ... but carries lots of influences ... which we don't really know they exist.
Rarely ... i dare to ask ... seeing myself doing lots of stupid things ... "What do i want?! What do i really want?!"
And ... honestly speaking .... I can't really find a logical explanation ... in many of those occasions.
I had times ... when I've promised myself that i will wake up ... and looking into the mirror ... seeing again that unhappy ugly face ... i will repeatedly ask myself ... again and again ... "What do i want?! What do i want?! What do i want?!".
Today ... i trend to believe that this is the best question we can ask while realising it is time to understand us deeper.
It is a very powerful question.
I hated it ... for years .... believing i know what i want to say.
And ... it was like that cause i always got what i wanted ... but ... i was never happy.
I mean ... really happy.
The expression of my face ... while looking into the mirror ... forced me repeat myself this question.
On ... and on ... and on.
Strongly ... believing that one day ... the answers will be revealed to me.
I mean ... the real answers.
Unfortunately .... I still had to continue my meditations ...
Cause the answers ... were not satisfying me ...
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I've started to write my first book at 16 ... but then ... realizing i could not publish it ... i've abandoned the idea of being a ... writer.
20 years later ... i've started to write again ... believing i will finally succeed ... but i've failed one more time ... not getting the success i was chasing for.
Another 5 years later ... i've started one more time to write ... but this time ... more as a therapy.
It's what i've defined as ... self therapy.
I was analyzing and defining lots of weird ideas ... that were a lot related to me ... and my own soul.
I totally forgot that i was chasing for success.
I was simple writing my thoughts ... in essays ... becoming this way ... maybe not a writer .... but what many define as ... an essayist.
This is not a poet ... and not a writer.
Or maybe is kind of a poet that is incapable of writing poetry ... but is still expressing his thoughts ... into a similar way ... as a poet.
And is not a writer ... cause have not the ability to write for too long time ... about the same subject.
But maybe i am not an essayist... either.
I am just an ordinary person ... that could be better defined ... as a thinker.
Analyzing ... and defining my life ... practicing this process called ... self therapy ... i started to understand life ... and the way to better paths which i should follow.
And i've wrote ... and wrote ... and wrote ... realizing one day that i've published tens of books .... not really understanding how the hell I've succeeded doing that.
Today i dare to recommend writing ... as a therapy.
I could even say ... it's a simple way of understanding who we are ... but also a process that could help us ... heal our souls.
I personally continue to ... write.
It's in fact ... a non ending story that ... at least for myself ... will probably continue for the rest of my life.
But over all ... i am glad ... i am doing it.
I continue my philosophical journey ... not being able to define myself for clear as a writer or an essayist... but ...
Well .... most probably... i am on a good path.
And ... i would dare to recommend to everyone ... all what i am doing today.
