The Quantum Vault: Ascension

When Luna, the hyper-intelligent hologram, delivers a speech so electrifying it shakes the foundation of galactic politics, chaos erupts across the stars. Her impassioned plea? Humanity must disarm its nuclear arsenal and embrace genetic hybridization with aliens—or face annihilation. Of course, things take a hilarious turn when Doug, her suitor, plants a kiss on her mid-speech. Luna, ever the pragmatist, immediately orders mouthwash and breath mints “strong enough to kill small animals.” The delivery—via a socially awkward seven-foot robot—leads to the public broadcast of Doug’s “health afflictions,” including severe halitosis and an addiction to Space Sponge BLOB Junior reruns. Luna defends Doug, blaming his behavior on a “consciousness ray” from ancient aliens, which conveniently pushed him toward bizarre cravings and impulsive choices.

As humanity grapples with alien benefactors who troll Earth’s leaders with passing gas and sex jokes, Doug must navigate a universe teetering on the edge of collapse. The ancient aliens, armed with devastating consciousness technology, threaten Earth with destruction unless humanity surrenders its nukes and adapts to a new era of galactic coexistence. But these aliens, wielding both immense power and absurd humor, aren’t the only danger. Looming in the cosmic shadows is the Void—a sinister entity threatening all existence.

Through the power of “the Vault,” an ancient artifact brimming with knowledge, Doug is resurrected as a sentient quantum AI hologram after sacrificing himself to save humanity. In his triumphant return, he bursts into a soaring operatic performance, joined by Luna in a romantic duet backed by an alien comedy duo turned background singers. As Doug adjusts to his new holographic reality (and strives to regain the comedic, albeit inconvenient, when he kissed Luna in front of billions, “bulges” of his past), he and Luna forge an unlikely romantic love story that blends cosmic stakes with heartfelt hilarity.