Daemons: essays
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There were many times into my life when all looked perfect.
Well … until something happened and the dynamic of all became different.
Having again an ugly existence.
Even … pathetic.
And i was trying and trying and trying to understand what is going on … but …
Today i trend to believe that all is related to the fact that me or someone around me access some weird energies.
I have the tendency to call them … negative energies, but i am not doing it anymore.
All being a story about energies, some of them being beneficial to me … and some just ruining all.
Unfortunately … more i dig … it becomes more and more obvious to myself … that all is related to things that are into my unconscious.
Randomly coming up to surface.
Weird things … which are unclear even for myself, but being a surprise.
Many times … unpleasant surprises.
But .. all is unclear.
Confusing.
I feel i am right when i say that deep inside myself are some daemons which sometimes are coming back to surface, destroying my life … but of course i look so, so weird saying it.
Crazy.
Even stupid.
Very similar with the ones who lost their minds.
But … daemons are part of my being.
Randomly dominating everything.
Ruining all.
So … i probably have to admit that i am not conscious enough.
Cause … there are too many times when i lose control on myself.
Destroying all … with the pathetic shows of the daemons.
The funny thing is that it’s me doing all, but probably under the total dominance of energies which i can’t really understand.
Cause … yes … all is confusing.
My life is a real enigma.
A dynamic which i can’t understand.
Probably … i’ll never understand it.
I know, i feel and i accept that my unconscious hides lots of daemons which sometimes come to surface … enslaving me as a human … and forcing as my behaviour to become extremely stupid, negative, toxic … and making me look like a real monster.
But …
Well … it’s all a too weird story.
I start to have a full picture about all what is going on, because i have clear statistics about all what is going on … but all i can probably do is to try to calm those annoying entities which are influencing my life so, so much.
Well … my life continues anyway … with or without my approval.
I just hope … i can become more conscious.
And get rid of those influences … which i can’t accept, cause are just ruining all.
Or maybe … all is an illusory hope.
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I've started to write my first book at 16 ... but then ... realizing i could not publish it ... i've abandoned the idea of being a ... writer.
20 years later ... i've started to write again ... believing i will finally succeed ... but i've failed one more time ... not getting the success i was chasing for.
Another 5 years later ... i've started one more time to write ... but this time ... more as a therapy.
It's what i've defined as ... self therapy.
I was analyzing and defining lots of weird ideas ... that were a lot related to me ... and my own soul.
I totally forgot that i was chasing for success.
I was simple writing my thoughts ... in essays ... becoming this way ... maybe not a writer .... but what many define as ... an essayist.
This is not a poet ... and not a writer.
Or maybe is kind of a poet that is incapable of writing poetry ... but is still expressing his thoughts ... into a similar way ... as a poet.
And is not a writer ... cause have not the ability to write for too long time ... about the same subject.
But maybe i am not an essayist... either.
I am just an ordinary person ... that could be better defined ... as a thinker.
Analyzing ... and defining my life ... practicing this process called ... self therapy ... i started to understand life ... and the way to better paths which i should follow.
And i've wrote ... and wrote ... and wrote ... realizing one day that i've published tens of books .... not really understanding how the hell I've succeeded doing that.
Today i dare to recommend writing ... as a therapy.
I could even say ... it's a simple way of understanding who we are ... but also a process that could help us ... heal our souls.
I personally continue to ... write.
It's in fact ... a non ending story that ... at least for myself ... will probably continue for the rest of my life.
But over all ... i am glad ... i am doing it.
I continue my philosophical journey ... not being able to define myself for clear as a writer or an essayist... but ...
Well .... most probably... i am on a good path.
And ... i would dare to recommend to everyone ... all what i am doing today.
