Caregiver

The husband is new to the whole medical community. Family doctors, neurologists, gerontologists, and an array of ‘ists’ need to be understood, categorized, and cataloged for current and future care. He must navigate all the various state, federal, and local agencies to apply for and gain assistance in her care. The husband must ensure enough funds and monies are acquired for long-term care and support with little to no income or savings.

He and his wife must adjust, finalize, and accept the change in trajectory of a life lived together for almost 50 years. Bills, mortgages, and daily life costs themselves are adjusted, discarded, and changed as the quality of a now short life has to be balanced against what was planned, hoped, and what reality can now accomplish.

As both go through the irregularly timed changes in ability and memory loss the caregiver recounts past lives, hopes, and dreams of her and him. He replays their discussions on her disease, her understandings and her sense of loss. The husband recounts the loss of dignity for both her and him. But in the middle of all the sadness and chaos, moments of happiness, joy, and love are shared.

In the end it is a tragic love story many have endured. One very few men have recounted. It is a story of how a man took care of his wife as she dealt with the dreadful disease of Alzheimer’s. It is a story of how he kept the promise to keep her at home until he could do so no more. It is a recounting of how he walked the path and shared her journey until its inevitable end.